Château d’if

Waves crashed against the shore, and he could feel the ocean salt spray upon his cheeks.  Edmond Dantès was being unjustly held in this life-wrenching prison for reasons unknown to him.  He was born into wealth, and now here he stewed; even the love of his life thought he was dead.  After spending 10 years of planning his escape, he made a legendary run for his life that no man had ever attempted.  He had carved a tunnel through the wall of the prison leading to the outside world--in search of his one true love.

Although The Count of Monte Cristo is a fictional story, and Edmond Dantès was never a real prisoner at the island prison Château d’if, that is the story that has made the prison famous. In 1515 the island was vacant before the French King Francois decided to build the Château on the island of If, to improve Marseille's defenses.  There was a special visitor that year that brought this idea to the king; the visitor was an Indian rhinoceros. The rhino was a gift, given from King Emmanuel I of Portugal to Pope Leo X, an exotic creature completely unknown on the European mainland.  The ship carrying the rhino was on its way to Rome when it unfortunately became shipwrecked on the island of If. Upon hearing of this the French King Francois I was unable to resist curiosity.  He having never seen a rhino came down from Paris to Marseille to see this creature for himself. (Openshaw)  While on the Island, King Francois’ eyes were opened to the idea of how central the island was for the incoming ports and how it could be used as a wall of safety from any unwanted visitors from the sea. 

After a few weeks the ship was repaired and resumed its journey to Rome, but the ship was caught in a sudden storm and was wrecked off the Genoa coast in Italy.  The rhino being chained to the deck of the ship was unable to swim and escape drowning.  Its carcass was fished out of the sea and sent back to Lisbon.  The Pope later received a stuffed rhino, however the tale of the rhino doesn’t end there.  During the rhino’s visit to the island of If a German painter and printmaker, Albrecht Durer, happened to sketch the rhino.  He then proceeded to make a woodcut of the animal from his drawings. (Kurup) The wooden statue of the rhino was inaccurate in some respects having carved the animal out of wood.  He designed it with hard plates that covered its body like sheets of armor, with a gorget at the throat, a solid-looking breastplate, and rivets along the seams; he also placed a small twisted horn on its back, and gave it scaly legs and saw-like rear quarters.  The rhino is now known as Dürer's Rhinoceros. (“Wikipedia”) 

In 1524, a few years after the rhino’s visit, the building of the new military fortress began under the instruction of Francois I, King of France. (jaseroque) The fortress is located on the island of If, which is the smallest island in the Frioul Archipelago situated in the Mediterranean Sea about a mile off shore in the bay of Marseille in southeastern France. The Château is a square, three-story building 28 meters long on each side, flanked by three towers with large cannons. The remainder of the island, which only measures 30,000 square meters, is heavily fortified; cannons on all sides set on the island's cliffs. It was built as a defense for the attacks from the sea, but it being built in a hurry made the foundation and structure of the fortress unlikely to withstand any real attacks.  Luckily the fortress never saw any military action.  The one time that it came to a genuine test of strength was in July 1531, when the Holy Roman Emperor Charles V made preparations to attack Marseille. However, he abandoned the invasion plan, perhaps feeling challenged by the presence of the castle on If. ("Wikipedia 2") 

In the mid-16th century the Château became a prison.  Being escape proof because of its isolated position and dangerous offshore currents, France quickly started occupying the prison cells with prisoners.  As was common in those times, the prisoners were placed in different cells according to their class and wealth.  The poorest occupants were literally placed in the lowest level of the prison, being confined to a windowless dungeon.  They were forced to live in dirty overcrowded conditions with many prisoners chained to the wall, others were beaten, or forced to work, most of them starving to death. ("Crime Museum")  The wealthier prisoners were placed in upper cells, private, with a fireplace, and a window.  Comfortable but they were expected to pay for their own incarceration.  There is a certain one of the towers that contains the chilling "oubliette," which comes from the verb "oublier" meaning to forget... the prisoners were walled up in this room and forgotten.  Presumably they slowly starved to death. (jaseroque)  In the novel The Count of Monte Cristo, Edmond Dantès makes a spectacular escape from the island, yet in reality, not one prisoner ever actually escaped.  

Most prisoners suffered and died inside their cells, one actually arrived already dead.  He was one of the Château’s famous prisoners, named General Jean-Baptiste Kléber.  The General had been assassinated in Egypt and his body on returning to France was housed at the Château d’If where it stayed for eighteen years until finally being allowed to return to his birthplace in the north. (Plano) Some more of the Château’s prisoners consisted of Gaston Crémieux, one of the leaders of the Paris Commune—he was executed at the prison in 1871.  A number of political prisoners and religious dissendents also served their prison terms in Chateau d'If, including more than 3,500 French Huguenots. Huguenots were French Protestants practicing their religion in France.  ("National Huguenot Society") 

After serving its purpose as an inescapable prison the Château's use as a prison ceased at the end of the 19th century.  As of September 23, 1890 it was open to the public as a museum. Tourists come from all over the world to experience the setting of the fictional novel The Count of Monte Cristo, and to see where the famous Edmond Dantès was held unjustly for ten years.  Prior to the Château opening tо the public, the writer, Mark Twain even took the time to visit the Château in July, 1867.  During а month’s long pleasure excursion, he recounts his visit in one of his books, The Innocents Abroad.  He says а guide took his party inside a particular prison cell, which was the cell that had been occupied by the "Iron Mask." There is а sign at the Château that says “Prison dite de l'Homme au Masque de Fer” or “man in the iron mask prison” This is likely only legend since the Man in the Iron Mask was never held at the Chateau d'If. ("Wikipedia 2")  

To reach the museum one would need to ride a ferry out to the island.  Which may sound expensive, but the museum has made things very affordable.  It is a great place for the whole family to spend a day in a “drafty” environment.  The tours go from early morning till early evening. ("Castles and Palaces of the World") If you are a fan of the fictional novel The Count of Monte Cristo, you will enjoy the parts of the tour where the guides show you Edmond Dantès’ cell and the tunnel that he carved from one cell to the other in order to reach his true love.  There are writings on the wall symbolizing his long stay at the Château, though he was never there.  But if you love fiction, you will love Dantès’ cell. 

About to begin his journey for the outside world, Dantès takes one last look at his friend, with tears of terror and love in his eyes.  His friend rests his hand on Dantès’ shoulder and says his final words, “Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next.  What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome.  Do your worst, for I will do mine!  Then the fates will know you as we know you”. ― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo (Dumas) 

Bibliography

·         Openshaw, Gabriel. "Openshaw360." . N.p., 06/05/09. Web. 6 Aug 2012. <http://www.openshaw360.com/marseille-and-the-chateau-dif/>.  (Openshaw)

·         Kurup, Saira. "The Pope's Indian rhinoceros." The times of India. TNN, 09/09/07. Web. 6 Aug 2012. <http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2007-09-09/india/27977961_1_rhino-marseille-chateau>.  (Kurup)

·          "Dürer's Rhinoceros." Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc.,, 06/22/12. Web. 6 Aug 2012. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dürer's_Rhinoceros>.  ("Wikipedia")

·         jaseroque, . "Chateau d'If of Marseille: the prison of the Count of Monte Cristo." Epinions, 12 19 1999. Web. Web. 6 Aug. 2012. <http://www.epinions.com/review/trvl-Dest-Europe-France-Provence/trvl-review-70CD-3FCA27A-38567298-prod4?sb=1>.  (jaseroque)

·         Château d'If." Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc., 07/10/12. Web. 6 Aug 2012. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Château_d'If>.  ("Wikipedia 2")

·          "Château d'If." Crime Museum. National Museum of Crime & Punishment, n.d. Web. 6 Aug 2012. <http://www.crimemuseum.org/library/imprisonment/chateauDIf.html>.  ("Crime Museum")

·         Plano, Angela de. "A Place : Château d’If." LANGUEDOC & PROVENCE SUN. 2012 Languedoc & Provence Sun, n.d. Web. 6 Aug 2012. <http://www.languedocsun.com/Audio-articles/a-place-chateau-dif.html>.  (Plano)

·         "Who were the Huguenot's?." The National Huguenot Society. The National Huguenot Society, 10/06/09. Web. 6 Aug 2012. <http://www.huguenot.netnation.com/general/huguenot.htm>.  ("National Huguenot Society")

·         "Château d'If." Castles and Palaces of the World. Every Castle, n.d. Web. 6 Aug 2012. <http://www.everycastle.com/Chateau-d-If.html>.  ("Castles and Palaces of the World")

·         Dumas, Alexandre. "The Count of Monte Cristo Quotes."Good Reads. Good Reads inc. , n.d. Web. 6 Aug 2012. <http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/391568-le-comte-de-monte-cristo>.  (Dumas)

SAFE

            The tile feels like ice against her cheek as Paige tries to gain the strength to move.  The pain shooting from her kidney, which was just kicked with a steel tipped boot, feels like someone is torching her side.  She uses the wall to help her come to her feet in time to watch Darrin, her husband, walk towards the living room with another glass of vodka.  She limps back to the counter to finish dicing the cucumbers.  They all had to be exactly half-moons or else he might get mad again.  Shifting her weight from side to side to manage the pain coming from her kidney, Paige is careful not to show any emotion related to the beating she had just received.  “Just one more night and he’ll never touch me again”, she thought to herself.  She’d run away before and he’d found her but this time she had thought things through and made a plan, this time Darrin wouldn’t find her. 

Hearing the TV turn off,  she knows he’ll be in soon, ready to eat his fill.  She wipes her hands on the flowered apron he’d bought  her the first year they were married.  Rubbing her side to sooth the pain, she can feel her hipbone even more than last week.  Darrin had a picture in his mind of the perfect wife that weighed 100 pounds, one that  never needed to eat seconds.  “If your food ever touched, it meant you’d served yourself too much and that would lead to a fat wife”, he would say.   After the pain started subsiding she tried to tuck her hair behind her ears but there were a few strands that weren’t quite long enough.  She had just gotten her hair done this afternoon but Darrin hadn’t mentioned anything about it looking nice.  A couple of lowlights to compliment her golden blonde hair, she kept it in an “A-Line” style because she knew that’s what he liked.  Maybe he didn’t like the color, is that what had made him so mad? 

            Carefully but quickly, she gets the chicken from the slow cooker and on the table just as Darrin walks into the kitchen, obviously ready to eat.  He doesn’t like when his food gets cold.  Things like cold food or miss-shaped cucumbers are just the beginning of things that send him into rage.  As they sit down to eat he grabs her hand to get her to look at him, eyes glazed from three maybe four glasses of vodka. “I’m sorry for getting mad earlier, you just don’t think sometimes.  I’ve been so busy at work and on my only day off you plan to get your hair done in the city.  I just wanted a day to relax.  Can you see why I got so frustrated?”  Paige took a bite of the chicken to keep from saying,  “If you would let me get a drivers license, I would gladly take myself to the salon.  And if you would let me leave the house while you are at work I would have chosen a different day”.  But instead she simply nodded her head and said, “It was so selfish of me to take your only day off.  I know work has been really stressful.”

            As they eat dinner she studied his face.  He was so different from when they had first met.  He still had the chiseled chin and the deep blue eyes.  At first he promised to always keep her safe and to make her feel special.  He promised her after hitting her the first time that it would never happen again.  She had tried to forgive him and thought that maybe she had done something to deserve the beating.  Until the night he had pulled the gun out and held it to her head, threatening that he would kill her if she ever turned up the thermostat again.  Then she knew it wasn’t safe.  She had to get out.  He was not the person she had married.  He was a monster inside of her husband’s body.

            Waking up extra early, she got  his bags packed for his night stay in the city to close on the homicide case he had been working on.  She wanted him to leave as soon as he could so she could get a head start on her big run.  She had thought it through this time and would never look back.  She would never see her house or Darrin again.  Paige carried the overnight bag to the car while Darrin finished his breakfast of two pieces of cinnamon toast.  That’s what he had every morning.  She kissed him goodbye and he said, “Remember to stay inside so people don’t look at you, and I’ll see you tomorrow night. I love you!”  She didn’t say it back but he didn’t notice because he was already backing out of the driveway.

            With Darrin gone she called the bus service and scheduled a pick up in twenty minutes.  She was headed as far away as she could and when she ran out of money she would work for a few days then keep moving.  She knew that he wouldn’t stop looking until he had nothing left to go on for a lead to where she was.  She had to exhaust him till he had nothing left.  She packed her duffel bag with underwear, socks, a few jeans, and a couple shirts.  She had on a sweatshirt and winter coat.  The only food she took was some cheese and crackers.  She couldn’t miss her bus; this was her only chance to totally disappear. 

            A ticket to Salt Lake City was $350.  It was half of everything she had saved but she knew that’s what she needed to do.  Boarding the bus she chose the back right corner so that she could have some privacy.  The 14 hour bus ride seem to last weeks.  She worried about Darrin calling the house phone and being furious that no one was answering.  “Would he come home early and start his search?” Paige thought to herself.  She had to stop thinking about that and start making a plan for what she would do once she reached Salt Lake.  She didn’t have any family or friends there and when making her escape plan, it had ended at the bus. 

            Stepping off the bus felt like a bag of bricks being pulled off her shoulders.  First thing Paige did was buy a map.  She needed to find somewhere that only accepted cash and wouldn’t look too closely at her ID, which she had stolen from her neighbor.  She didn’t like the fact that she had to take the ID but Darrin would never let her get one and she couldn’t travel without one.  Good thing her neighbor resembled her so much.  If you didn’t stare at the picture too hard you would believe it was Paige.  But from here on, she wouldn’t be Paige she was April now.

            Sitting at Bunko night and meeting April for the first time, she had just introduced herself and said she grew up in Washington and was now six months pregnant with twins.  I got her talking by striking up the conversation by saying that “I fly up to Washington every weekend to visit my husband”.  April made a funny comment saying, “I hope he’s not like my husband in Washington!”  She must have seen the confusion in my eyes because she felt like she needed to explain.  “My first husband is up in Washington and I was there with him until I ran away to save my life two years ago.”  April continued to tell me about the abuse and how it was a life or death decision she had made.  I felt like we needed a change of subject so I asked her, “So are you married now?  Will these little munchkins be your first?”  April’s eyes lit up as she talked about her husband and her life now.  “My husband Tom saved me!  I hadn’t eaten in three days and I had one dollar left after paying for the first months rent on the cottage I’d found.  The cottage was at the end of a dirt road and very secluded, just what I had been looking for.”

“Tom owned a community grocery store that carried everything and anything you would need to survive.  He let me buy a bag of beans and rice for a dollar and said they were on sale.  I made it because of him.”  April said she had gotten a job as a waitress at a little country diner, which was perfect because she couldn’t cash her checks since her ID wasn’t correct.  This way the money she made in tips would be cash and easy to handle.  “I was working six nights and week and usually three days in order to put some money aside.  I saved half of my tips in a tin can under the back porch just in case I ever needed to make a quick move.” 

When April had first met Tom her first impression was late 30’s, gray hair, body of a 20 year old, and eyes as blue as the sky.  They didn’t talk much at first.  April having just run away from her old life was terrified to make any connections in fear that Darrin might find her somehow.  So it was the once a week trip to the store where Tom would try to look busy, but like a ten year old boy to a firework, just couldn’t help but stare.  He thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.  Tom felt strange having had no attractions to any female since his wife had died two years earlier from cancer.  He didn’t know what to say to start up a conversation so for the first three weeks he just smiled and helped her check out the few groceries she would buy.  Tom had two children, Josh who was 6, and Katie who was 4.  They were his whole life and he spent every free second with them. 

As April continued to return to the store Katie, Tom’s daughter, would share her colored pictures and ask her to dress her dolls for her.  Tom could see the kindness in April’s eyes and knew that he loved her.  One day Katie invited April to go up the canyon for a picnic with her family.  April didn’t want to disappoint her so she had reluctantly said yes.  She thought it might be weird, since the few words she had spoken to Tom were about groceries.  Tom looked thrilled and said he’d pick her up at ten on Saturday.  April had butterflies in her stomach on her way home.

Tom picked her up at ten that morning and they drove up the canyon together, just as a family would.  April couldn’t stop picturing herself fitting in so perfectly, and there was this unspoken connection between her and Tom.  She didn’t know how to explain the way she was feeling, all she knew was that she had to have her guard up.  She watched as Tom helped the kids unpack the jeep with all the picnic goodies.  They were going to have tin foil dinners and later would make smores.  This whole experience was all new to April so she just sat on the picnic table and watched how Tom interacted with the kids.  She noticed how he knew everything his children  loved and spent all of his energy to make sure his kids knew that they were the most important thing in his life.  It was at that moment she realized she loved this man.

Bringing April back to reality I asked, “How did you learn to trust him, didn’t you have walls up from being hurt so much?”  She shook her head as to shake away the images that were rolling through her mind and said, ”He was different, and of course we dated before jumping into our marriage. But I never once had the feeling I shouldn’t trust him.  Don’t fight your feelings, you have to follow what your heart says.”  Agreeing with her I asked how she has been able to be so open about her past?  She simply looked at me and said, “I don’t want anyone to ever experience what I had to go through.  So my way of preventing that is by sharing my story.  The hardest decision I ever had to make was to leave my husband, but the easiest decision I ever had to make was to marry my Best Friend!”

           

           

             

           

Mexico

Everything around me moving forward and backward, never the exact same as the time before, but my feet stay still.  My eyes are closed as my skin tingles while tiny salt flakes tickle my cheeks.  I’m slowly realizing that my picture of Mexico is not the only Mexico.  All growing up I pictured it as poverty and children running around half naked with dirty faces.  But in this Mexico my idea did not exist, I am in a tropical wonderland.                                                                           

  My husband and I had just arrived to this little secluded beach spot, very private and it had the aroma of coconut milk.  We parked our topless dune buggie on the side of the dirt road.  With my windblown hair I began walking into this tropical beach front.  The plants were all all linked to a tropical theme, set so they would grow in a design of a fish, hearts, stars, basically any shape that you can think of.  The dressing rooms set off to either side were painted with bright yellows and blues, purples and greens.  We were able to tell which was meant for whom by the creative idea of clothes lines painted on the doors with either male swimming trunks or a purple polka-dot bikini.  Everything made from boards and palm trees, the roof tops consisted of the palm leaves neatly twinned together and fastened tightly with fishing nets.

As I continued walking I reached what felt to my feet fluffy clouds; my pedicured toes were in heaven.  The sand was thin and smooth like sugar.  A palm tree shaded the sand where I was making it feel cool against my skin.  I sifted the grains of sand  between my toes then used them as a shovel to reach even cooler depths.  This part of the beach was cared for by a family of four, the parents and two children.  This was the way they made their living, treating the tourist likes kings and queens during their stay.  They provided Pina Colada’s in furry coconut shells, which you sipped through pink straws while nibbling on the fresh coconut right from the shell.  The coconut was milky and never before had I tasted something so naturally sweet, it was like my taste buds were lying on a beach being massaged with a coconut cream.  After I had  my fill of the coconut,  my husband and I start for the beach.  Half way there, and out of the corner of my eye, I see what appears as a sand pile move to the left.                                

 Taking a second look I’m able to recognize its not a sand pile but a white sand crab.  Sand crabs are very swift but more scared of you than you are of them.  I had to get a closer look as the little guy shook his way down into a tiny hole. Completely emerged under the sand, I thought for sure he was gone but then I saw two little eye balls pop out of the sand on their antennas.  Smart little crab, we decided to let the crab go before he got mad at us for staring.  We turned back in the direction for the beach and this time found or toes being covered by the cool ocean water.  The colors that I saw in front of me were teal and sea green.  As I’m debating on fully dipping myself in the water my husband takes if upon himself to hurry along the process, with a quick tug I’m completely drenched and up to my neck in the ocean.  We swam together making smooth motions to manuver our body’s through the water.  I can feel the current moving toward the beach as the waves curl against my skin.  Finally we stop going against the current and let it move us back in to dry land.  

    With the sun kissing our skin we walked along the water, every once in a while we’d stop to pick up a shell or just squeeze the wet sand between our toes.  We turned around to return to our dune buggie, but before leaving the water’s edge I just had to take a moment to truly enjoy this once in a life time scene.  I closed my eyes and felt the gentle breeze toss my hair around my shoulders, the ocean salt misted my face.  I could smell the ocean and the life it had living deep down under.  As the waves brought the water in and back out, my feet slowly sunk deeper and deeper into the sand.  Taking one last deep breath of the warm fresh air, I said goodbye to my tropical paradise.

“Best Day Ever”

                My days are normally so scheduled, you could say I follow a routine.  During this routine, its when the “steps” to my day turn into “Pristine Moment”.  Moments that have me saying, “Best Day Ever!”  But what made it the best day ever?  My thoughts go to this last Thursday, where I had just received the results on my Anatomy Final, 100%.  My energy levels instantly peaked and stayed there throughout my day.

                The whole class was released early after completing our final exam, so I started back on my routine day.  On to work I went a few hours early.  When I arrived at my office I’m excited to see there is a busy day ahead of me.  But with it being so busy I wasn’t going to be able to go out for lunch.  To my surprise the Dr. announces that he would be ordering lunch for everyone in the office from Zupas, My Favorite restaurant.  With my tummy full of tasty salad and bread I headed back to work.

                My patient’s treatment consisted of two fillings and two crowns, crown prepping procedures are my favorite!  The procedure went as planned and the patient was so polite and easy to work on.  After the procedure I was walking the patient up to the front desk and he couldn’t stop saying how well everything went and how comfortable he was with the TV on the ceiling and the head phones so he didn’t have to hear the drilling.  He also loved the “Isolite”, which is a device designed to prop the mouth open and provide light and suction for the Doctor and patients comfort.     After the patient left we finished cleaning up for the night and were about to head out the door when my boss brought us out our checks.  Payday is on Wednesdays but he always seems to forget them on his desk at home or the printer is always out of order, so consequently we usually receive them on Thursdays.  But for some reason they were ready on Wednesday!  To top that off he gave me a raise with a little note he wrote that said, “Sure glad to have you here, you are the type of employee bosses would like to keep around forever!”

                The sun couldn’t be shining any brighter as I walked out of the office doors.  I didn’t want the day to stop everything was exceeding any expectations I had.  But then my Best Friend invited me to go out riding horses with her and her twin sister.  I gladly accepted the invitation; I hadn’t been on a horse since my junior year in high school.   They weren’t leaving for an hour so I drove to the bank then home to feed my Hubby.  I had put ribs in the crockpot for dinner, but with it being the first time making them I was a little nervous they would turn out too dry or just not tender.  We dished up our plates and to my surprise they melted in my mouth.  My husband kept saying that they were the best ribs he had ever eaten.

                After feeling like a Master Chef, I changed my clothes and headed out to meet my friend with her horses.  My friend boards her horses out in Eagle Mountain with a man that feeds and takes care of them, so I had about a twenty minute drive.  I could barely contain my excitement; I’d wanted to go riding for so long.  I was going to ride a horse that was owned by the man that lives there because my friend only has two horses for her and her twin sister.  The horses name was “Lefty”, he gets his name from when he was gelded.  His left testicle dropped after the first time and he had to have it done for a second time.  I thought that “Lefty” was such a funny thing to name a horse but then after hearing the story and reason behind how he got his name I couldn’t help but love it.  Lefty was a gorgeous Palomino gelding, with the colors of tan and gold.  The three of us went for a toasty ride in the sun out on some open trails around the community.  Lefty was so well behaved and I felt so comfortable riding him.  On our way back to the corral there were neighbor children that asked to pet the horses.  They were so excited just to touch the horse I couldn’t stop thinking how lucky I was to be riding the him. 

                With the horses back in their corrals, my friend realized that she didn’t know where her keys were, which was also a problem for me because I had set my purse with my keys in her car.  To our dismay the doors were locked and no keys to be found.  We were able to borrow a metal hanger from the man who took care of the horses.  After attempting to unlock the car for a little over thirty minutes with no luck, an off duty police officer noticed our distress while driving by and nicely asked if we needed help.  He had the door unlocked within 2 minutes, he made the comment that “well I was so good at breaking into cars that I decided to do it legally, and become a cop!”  We were so happy to finally be on our way home for the night.

                Deciding it was time to wind my day down I took a quick shower and climbed into bed.  All tucked in my sheets, relaxing and letting my mind wander over the events of my day.  I started to trace together all the things that had gone right and realized that it all had to do with The Law of Attraction.  Good things lead to good things if you have a positive outlook on your life. 

Intentions

Writing has always been a scary section for me, when I hear that I need to write a paper my mind immediately goes into "Stress Mode".  My mind goes blank and I stress until my paper is finished.  I always hear people say how they love thinking about writing their papers and that ideas pop into their heads all day long.  The things I would love to learn in this English class is  to train my mind to relax and that writing is fun and I can do it.  When ideas start streaming into my head about how to start and end my paper, I will be one happy girl!